Promtacular!

Weekend Special: iM @ pr0m LOL

Posted on June 04, 2010 by promtacular! in 2000s Prom, Backdrop FAIL, Going to the Chapel(?), Shine On! | 3 Comments

Year: 2010

Thanks ever so much to reader Alisa who saw this photo online and sent it to me. Because kids today.

Sometimes I fear that today’s teenagers are too worldly and cynical and sophisticated. Apparently, not always.

But you know? This is good. It’s reassuring to know that those of us who lived through the fashion trainwrecks — AWESOME fashion trainwrecks, that is — of the 70s, 80s, and 90s will eventually be joined by teenagers of the new millennium and its subsequent decades.

There is no way that these kids won’t be made fun of by their kids. Is what I’m saying.

But let’s discuss why.

The lovely third wheel on the end is gorgeous, sure, but if you look closely I’m pretty sure that the boob part of her dress is conical. Yes, conical. Like an understated Madonna. In metallic.

Her friend in white is also lovely, but it won’t be many years before her bang-wings are officially considered ridiculous. And speaking of white dresses — the dress strap kind of looks like a bra strap and anyway I maintain that there is a fine, fine line between prom dress and I-secretly-wish-this-were-a-wedding dress.

Which is horrifying considering who her husband would then be.

“Hat turned sideways” is actually a lyric in the famed “Pants on the Ground” song and you know? I would be shocked if this dude doesn’t have boxer shorts creeping out of his tuxedo pants. Maybe they’re aquamarine colored, too. You know, to carry through the accent color.

I don’t know. There’s just something about all three of them that says, “Whatever. I really wish I was texting right now.”

P.S. Is that a luggage cart in the background? Um?

The Claw

Posted on May 26, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Aquanet!, Going to the Chapel(?) | 1 Comment

Year: 1982

Amy* writes: This is my brother and his prom date. Notice the horribly outdated green walls and goldenrod curtains in my living room (or were they?) How should I know, I was only 5 years old at the time. We finally changed those walls and curtains in the mid 90s.

It’s 2010 and he still rocks the handlebar mustache…with a lot less hair on the top of his head.”

I will admit, I thought about “fixing” the red-eye, and then realized that’s half the charm of the photo.

Well, okay. Maybe not half.

I will only add to Amy’s brilliant commentary that her brother’s date looks to be wearing a wedding dress, and her hair looks to be…erm…sort-of feathered but more like, frozen in time.

Epic.

Layers

Posted on May 13, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Going to the Chapel(?), Lace Disgrace, Oh Bows, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1980s

Oh.

Her dress is very special, and I’ll get to that in a moment, but first I’d like to start with Colonel Brandon. (At least, that is what I will be calling this prom dude, who looks like Alan Rickman from Sense & Sensibility. Here’s a picture.)

Colonel Brandon’s hair looks especially light and feathery in this photo. Because once upon a time, dear young’uns, women weren’t the only ones who opted to have their hair cut in layers. (Don’t ask. It is not to be explained.)

But you know what I don’t understand? Given that his prom date is wearing all white, the Colonel had every color imaginable to choose from to accent his tuxedo, and yet he chose brown. Brown? Yes, brown.

And that is not very Promtacular! at all.

Luckily, I’m sure we can all agree that the Colonel’s date’s wedding dress is quite the stunner. If, you know, a little schizophrenic.

I mean, it starts with this totally straight top, except with bunches of lace popping out. Then it inexplicably morphs into a gathered wrap dress. And THEN it’s all like, NUH-UH, BITCHES, THIS IS A TIERED DRESS MADE OF LACE!

And you know? That’s a lot of things for a dress to be.

That this woman pairs it with short white gloves WITH BOWS, however, to add yet two more pieces of decorative flair, is brilliant. I think this makes the Colonel’s date win some sort of Promtacular! prize: Most Looks Crammed Into One Dress. Prom/Wedding/Satin/Bunched/Gathered/Tiered/Lace/With Gloves & Bows! FTW!

Not to mention her hair, which is quite possibly cropped, bleached, permed AND feathered.

The Driveway Nunnery

Posted on April 26, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Aquanet!, Feathering As A Lifestyle Choice, Going to the Chapel(?) | 10 Comments

Year: 1983

Ah. Let us reminisce about the bygone era of really pouffy hair, too much blush, and tablecloth-slash-virgin-inspired fashion.

Christina (of Fairly Odd Mother) writes: …”me with my sister-wives going to the Senior Prom as sophomores. I am the one showing so little skin, I could have been an extra on Little House on the Prairie. Now that I think of it, I really didn’t like my date, so perhaps I was giving him the message that he was not getting anywhere with me on prom night. Chastity Saved!”

I wrote Christina back, because I had to know.

“Did you all plan your white dresses?” Because wow.

“No, we didn’t plan it!” she replied. “We didn’t even shop together!”

Try to wrap your head around that.

I Think They Missed The Point

Posted on April 05, 2010 by promtacular! in 2000s Prom, Aquanet!, Going to the Chapel(?) | 1 Comment

Year: Unknown, likely early 2000s

You know how at weddings the bride sometimes wears a garter and the groom takes it off while scandalous-slash-funny stripper-like music plays and everyone thinks it’s hilarious?

You know how they DON’T do that at proms?

Okay, then.

You know how garters can actually be a functional piece of an undergarment ensemble? Used to hold up stockings that are only thigh-high?

You know how you DON’T need garters if your stockings go all the way up?

Okay, then.

To the woman in the prom dress half-shirt exposing her garter so as to suggest she’s “provocative”: we already know.

I should also point out that I really like this photo in contrast to Julie’s below. Because this is what I meant when I said that teenaged BFFs always look alike, even if they don’t look alike. While I’m certain they thought they looked entirely different, all of them are wearing long dresses; two girls are wearing black strapless sheaths; and the other three are wearing long skirts with tight bodices and spaghetti straps. (Even if one of them missed the piece of dress that connected the top to the bottom.) All of them have done their hair in the exact same way.

You know, I’ll bet they bought their garters together, too.