Promtacular!

Satin Camouflage

Posted on July 29, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Backdrop FAIL, Lace Disgrace, Oh Bows, Shine On!, Tacky Backdrops | 3 Comments

Year: 1989

In the world of lame prom backdrops, this has got to be a top contender. God only knows what that cheap blue curtain is hiding, but I kind of feel like it would have been just as unattractive without the cheap blue curtain.

I also kind of want to hug the sweetly misguided person who thought that taping construction-paper hearts with glitter borders to the curtain would make it better.

It’s not this poor girl’s fault that her dress is practically the same color AND material. I mean, obviously her dress is fancier (what with a stunning assortment of lace, brocade, bows, flowers AND ruffles). But it suffers by the inevitable curtain comparison.

For the record, I’m sorely disappointed she opted for minimal jewelry instead of gigantic teal earrings. She also perfectly dyed her shoes instead of going with eyesore white. Sigh.

Anyway.

Her date has an air of bemusement, which I admire. Like someday he’s going to look back on this photo and say, “Heeeeey.”

It does also look like possibly he had his hair cut 13 seconds before prom began. And, let’s face it: there aren’t a lot of high school boys who can (or want to) pull off a mustache. I think this may actually wins him points.

State Fair O’Hara

Posted on July 21, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Backdrop FAIL, Bizarre Backdrops, Lace Disgrace, Oh Bows, On The Plantation, Pairing With White, Prom or Costume?, Shine On!, perms | No Comments

Year: Totally Doesn’t Matter.

You know. Once you get past the onslaught of this photo’s amazing Promtacular! explosions, it offers you a secret gift. I almost missed it myself until I tilted my screen just so. Oh, it’s magnificent. But let’s address the obvious first, shall we?

Her dress. Her shiny, lacy, pink Scarlett-O’Hara-meets-State-Fair dress. I don’t even– what IS that material? It is reflecting the camera flash, and not even in a satin-shiny kind of way. More like in a cellophane-shiny kind of way. Which is just utterly amazing. It’s like she wanted to look like cotton candy that she brought back from the State Fair wrapped in cellophane.

And not just cotton candy wrapped in cellophane. Cotton candy covered in a fancy, fancy napkin, wrapped in cellophane. At the State Fair.

Complete with State Fair Hair!

Because, as a gift to me from the Prom Gods, her hair is higher than her face is long. No, no. This is not me being funny. This is actually true. Get out your ruler. Measure from the bottom of her chin to the top of her head. Now measure where her bangs start to the top of her head-cascade. IS THAT NOT IMPRESSIVE?

Oh, and while I’m all-caps-ing at you, may I also ask: WHERE IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS PHOTO TAKEN?

Was their prom in “the study” on the set of the board game Clue?

Was their prom in the office of the University President?

Perhaps their prom was in the Captain’s Quarters of the Titanic?

I just…what?

It makes me feel bad for them — happy as they are — because there isn’t a single tacky streamer or fake flower or floating flower vase or Mardi Gras mask anywhere in sight. You know what there is, though? I’m certain that just off to the side, there’s a globe. And a model ship in a glass case.

Prom in the Hall of Records.

THE SECRET GIFT

Did you guess it? Do you know what it is?

This girl’s date at first looks cute and sweet and a little dorky (entirely the fault of the era-acceptable glasses), until you look closer at his hair line. Not the one along his forehead. The one along the line of OHMYGOD HIS HAIR IS AS HIGH AS HERS!!!

How does that even happen? It’s a Promtacular! miracle!

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE FINALE! Featuring…Randy Savage?

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Celebrity Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra?, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1993

Sometimes prom pictures just outdo themselves.

Emily, who’s in the middle, in case you haven’t been following along in this five-part bow-saga, writes: “I clearly ROCKED the water-spout bangs. And Claire [left] clearly ROCKED the WHITE BOW AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD.”

For starters, this first finale photo is awesome for about a million reasons. It’s pretty, and the girls all look great, and this is the softer side of some of 1993′s prom-fashion contributions. You know?

But also: LOVE the construction paper and shiny stars around the photo cut-out. Is there any question this came from a teenaged girl’s scrapbook? No. There is not.

It does make me regret that I chose to focus on Emily’s bow-habit and not her man-versus-nature, classic struggle with her own bangs. But if we DO focus on her bows, I’m gonna go ahead and call the top of her dress a bow. Because that’s what it’s designed to look like.

BONUS BOW: WTG, Claire!

Figure 2:

Emily writes: “I’ve included this photo to draw attention to my hair. The bangs, again. Plus, I also paid just as much attention to the back of my hair as to the front, as evidenced by the bow THAT MY MOTHER *MADE*, in the EXACT SAME MATERIAL as the pink swatch on my dress.

Why was I still wearing bows in 1993???”

Because, Em. You somehow knew that one day, I’d start a website specifically so that I could showcase your bow-bangs battle.

Um, did your mom also make the bow on your corsage? Because I’m thinking she must have.

Now.

Dear Readers.

This is the moment you have been waiting for. I bring you…

Figure 3:

Emily finishes strong: “And finally… I don’t have any “official” photos from any of my dances, and I don’t even know if we posed in front of those delightful backdrops or not. But we didn’t need any of those muslin or star-filled backgrounds, because you know what we DID have?

Yes. The prom committee PAID a WWF wrestler to be at the prom and pose for photos.”

This is maybe the most outstanding prom photo in the history of prom photos. Because, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, Randy “Macho Man” Savage is in it. It makes no sense. It is perfect.

Lastly, I won’t count Emily’s date’s bowtie in the final bow tally, but who needs it?

FINAL BOW TALLY
Dress Bows: 5
Hair Bows: 5 (that’s one per formal)
Extra Bows: 1 specially made wrist corsage + 1 bonus bow on friend’s dress
Total: 12

I don’t know how one would keep a bangs scorecard, so I didn’t. But I’m pretty sure the bangs won the man-v-nature struggle.

Unless that was Randy Savage.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series: Part 4 of 5

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra? | 2 Comments

Year: 1992

Emily writes: “My junior prom. From when I was growing out my bangs – can you tell? Thankfully, the HUGE WHITE BOW in the back detracts from my forehead.

Speaking of bows….Apparently one bow-like decoration on the front of my dress wasn’t enough; I needed two. And no bra. Sweet.”

This photo makes me LOL because, even though she is smiling brightly, I have never — not once in my life — seen Emily make this face. She looks positively pained. Like maybe the bow in her hair is so tight it’s pulling her mouth into that position.

Also: I think it’s safe to say that when it came to formal occasions, Emily had ONE preferred hairstyle, and ONE ONLY. Bangs? No bangs? It makes no difference. The top half of her hair is getting pulled back into a barrette, and that barrette is going to have a mother effing BOW on it.

Speaking of which. Bow tally: 2 on the dress + 1 in the hair + 5 previous = 8.

Bows are currently outnumbering dresses 2 to 1.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series: Part 3 of 5

Posted on June 24, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Blame the Photographer, Oh Bows, Pairing With White | 2 Comments

Year: 1991

Emily writes: “Homecoming dance. I apparently still love floral prints… And I DEEPLY regret that you cannot see my PERMED hair in this photo.

This was the “make a serious pose” photo, and instead of looking serious, I just look royally pissed. Maybe what set me off was my date’s attire: plaid jacket (also maybe his dad’s?), too-long pants, and RUNNING SHOES.”

This two-tiered floral dress is so similar to Emily’s 1989 jr. high graduation dress, it’s kind of a wonder she bothered to buy it. I’m just disappointed she’s not wearing a white blazer. Although the dark shoes + white corsage add a certain something. Frankly, I can’t believe she missed an opportunity to wear white shoes, since they’d have matched her date’s so well.

Boy, don’t they look happy!

Bow tally: You can’t see it, but you know it’s in her hair. There’s no way it’s anything but a bow up there. That makes 5 bows in 3 dresses.