Promtacular!

All Aglow

Posted on August 19, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, Lace Disgrace, Mullets, Shoulder Pads | 1 Comment

Year: Take a guess.

Turns out, even the world’s most beautiful and famous bloggers were young and high-banged once.

Oh. Oh, Kelly.

Let’s start by pointing out that this photo’s fuzziness actually elevates its uber-fabulous status. The fuzz looks perfectly intentional, as though someone coated the lens with Vaseline to soften the light and lines and make the image appear more romantic, misted, timeless. The way photo montages in Lifetime movies in the 80s (what? shutup) looked.

Except of course, nothing* about this image is timeless. The hairdos, the jewelry, the 300 fashion statements Kelly’s dress is making…None of these made it past what? 1994?

The Vaseline makes it hard to determine the color of Kelly’s dress, and probably that’s okay. It comes across as pink, maybe peach. Which is better than if it were simply white (where I’d then be forced to categorize this under the “Prom or Wedding?” heading).

But who cares about color when there’s so, so much lace? An entire, long-sleeved, high-necked, low-waisted bodice of nothing but lace!

That’s a Promtacular! first, kids. Legends are being made here, today.

The non-padded-but-puffed-up-shoulders are a very nice touch. They’re there to help balance the two floufy, ruffled skirt-tiers. Right?

Right. But let’s be honest about “balance.” This dress, in all its lace-tier-shoulder-puff brilliance would have swallowed a lesser girl whole. Frankly, it would have swallowed an entire lesser couple. But not Kelly and her date.

Kelly, perhaps unwittingly, took her dress as a challenge, and kicked its ass. Her hair sees her dress, and raises it. (Literally.) The style is perfect, the earrings are bold. She has made it work, like some, I dunno, genius of physics.

And — obviously — no simple, wimpy corsage would do. Instead, her date thoughtfully gave her an entire rose bush to hold.

Speaking of her date: his hair is priceless. You’d think, if you just saw a photo of Kelly, that no man could stand up to her Genius Of Physics look. And yet? He does. That one bit of bang hanging over his forehead is just the right touch.

But perhaps what makes this photo most awesome of all is this line from her date, regarding their respective heights: “If memory serves I was in fact standing on something…and I believe Kelly was bending her knees.”

Well done!

*Save for the tinsel curtains; those will find their way into prom backdrops forever.

Here’s Mah Junk

Posted on March 05, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Aquanet!, Going to the Chapel(?), Lace Disgrace, Shoulder Pads | 7 Comments

Year: 1985

Lori writes: He showed up in those shorts. My mother nearly killed him.

Friends, we have a lot to discuss here.

Now, this isn’t the first tiny prom-bride we’ve featured, but this is the first tiny prom-bride we’ve had covered in so much lace. I mean, it’s quite literally as though she selected a small white dress, put it on, and decided there wasn’t enough drama, so she stuck her head through a giant lace tablecloth. And when that tablecloth couldn’t gather at the bottom AND cover her arms? She stuck her hands through the matching placemats. And then grabbed the table centerpiece and called it a day.

Not that it wasn’t entirely appropriate for 1985, but I want you to look closely at the prom-bride’s hair. Can you say for sure where her hair ends and the bush begins?

No. No, you can’t.

Her date-groom is looking mighty fine as well. It was his good fortune that a giant gust of wind caught him just as he was doing his hair.

Now, all things considered, I’d almost say Lori — aka the bridesmaid — has let Promtacular! down. The giant-ness of the ’80s is lost on her ensemble. On the other hand, her look is quintessential to the era, i.e., she could have walked off the set of Working Girl. The bouquet is a nice touch.

But mostly Lori wins here because of her date and his shorts. Shorts that MATCH HER DRESS.

Special bonus? (click “Read More” for bonus image)

On The Wings Of Love

Posted on February 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Shine On!, Shoulder Pads, Tacky Backdrops | 3 Comments

Year: 1980s (DUH)

Sure, his hair may have been inspired by Flock of Seagulls, but her dress actually has wings. It’s as if someone said, “Ooh! You know what would be better than shoulder pads? 800 yards of fabric folded into vertical ruffles! That would be CLASSY!”

As for the backdrop, I mean, it’s not like anything could really make the faux “we’re outside in the country” more believable. But the illusion would have been at least somewhat more realistic had the couple not been standing on a rug.

It Was So Nice Of The Cullens To Let You Use Their Home For Photos: Part II

Posted on February 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Shoulder Pads | 3 Comments

Year: 1988

Megan, featured two years later, writes: I am wearing the largest, widest shoulder pads ever created OUT OF BLACK VELVET. (Emphasis mine, not Megan’s.)

We haven’t really had an opportunity yet to discuss the concept of shoulder pads, so let’s thank Megan for providing us with one.

Having lived through the shoulder pad movement, my best explanation is that fashion designers decided women had spent far too many decades not looking like football players. And that if women would simply emphasize their shoulders while masking their breasts and making their entire upper bodies look like giant boxes, people would stop noticing the permed abominations above the neck.

(Click for more!)