Promtacular!

All Aglow

Posted on August 19, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, Lace Disgrace, Mullets, Shoulder Pads | 1 Comment

Year: Take a guess.

Turns out, even the world’s most beautiful and famous bloggers were young and high-banged once.

Oh. Oh, Kelly.

Let’s start by pointing out that this photo’s fuzziness actually elevates its uber-fabulous status. The fuzz looks perfectly intentional, as though someone coated the lens with Vaseline to soften the light and lines and make the image appear more romantic, misted, timeless. The way photo montages in Lifetime movies in the 80s (what? shutup) looked.

Except of course, nothing* about this image is timeless. The hairdos, the jewelry, the 300 fashion statements Kelly’s dress is making…None of these made it past what? 1994?

The Vaseline makes it hard to determine the color of Kelly’s dress, and probably that’s okay. It comes across as pink, maybe peach. Which is better than if it were simply white (where I’d then be forced to categorize this under the “Prom or Wedding?” heading).

But who cares about color when there’s so, so much lace? An entire, long-sleeved, high-necked, low-waisted bodice of nothing but lace!

That’s a Promtacular! first, kids. Legends are being made here, today.

The non-padded-but-puffed-up-shoulders are a very nice touch. They’re there to help balance the two floufy, ruffled skirt-tiers. Right?

Right. But let’s be honest about “balance.” This dress, in all its lace-tier-shoulder-puff brilliance would have swallowed a lesser girl whole. Frankly, it would have swallowed an entire lesser couple. But not Kelly and her date.

Kelly, perhaps unwittingly, took her dress as a challenge, and kicked its ass. Her hair sees her dress, and raises it. (Literally.) The style is perfect, the earrings are bold. She has made it work, like some, I dunno, genius of physics.

And — obviously — no simple, wimpy corsage would do. Instead, her date thoughtfully gave her an entire rose bush to hold.

Speaking of her date: his hair is priceless. You’d think, if you just saw a photo of Kelly, that no man could stand up to her Genius Of Physics look. And yet? He does. That one bit of bang hanging over his forehead is just the right touch.

But perhaps what makes this photo most awesome of all is this line from her date, regarding their respective heights: “If memory serves I was in fact standing on something…and I believe Kelly was bending her knees.”

Well done!

*Save for the tinsel curtains; those will find their way into prom backdrops forever.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE FINALE! Featuring…Randy Savage?

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Celebrity Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra?, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1993

Sometimes prom pictures just outdo themselves.

Emily, who’s in the middle, in case you haven’t been following along in this five-part bow-saga, writes: “I clearly ROCKED the water-spout bangs. And Claire [left] clearly ROCKED the WHITE BOW AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD.”

For starters, this first finale photo is awesome for about a million reasons. It’s pretty, and the girls all look great, and this is the softer side of some of 1993′s prom-fashion contributions. You know?

But also: LOVE the construction paper and shiny stars around the photo cut-out. Is there any question this came from a teenaged girl’s scrapbook? No. There is not.

It does make me regret that I chose to focus on Emily’s bow-habit and not her man-versus-nature, classic struggle with her own bangs. But if we DO focus on her bows, I’m gonna go ahead and call the top of her dress a bow. Because that’s what it’s designed to look like.

BONUS BOW: WTG, Claire!

Figure 2:

Emily writes: “I’ve included this photo to draw attention to my hair. The bangs, again. Plus, I also paid just as much attention to the back of my hair as to the front, as evidenced by the bow THAT MY MOTHER *MADE*, in the EXACT SAME MATERIAL as the pink swatch on my dress.

Why was I still wearing bows in 1993???”

Because, Em. You somehow knew that one day, I’d start a website specifically so that I could showcase your bow-bangs battle.

Um, did your mom also make the bow on your corsage? Because I’m thinking she must have.

Now.

Dear Readers.

This is the moment you have been waiting for. I bring you…

Figure 3:

Emily finishes strong: “And finally… I don’t have any “official” photos from any of my dances, and I don’t even know if we posed in front of those delightful backdrops or not. But we didn’t need any of those muslin or star-filled backgrounds, because you know what we DID have?

Yes. The prom committee PAID a WWF wrestler to be at the prom and pose for photos.”

This is maybe the most outstanding prom photo in the history of prom photos. Because, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, Randy “Macho Man” Savage is in it. It makes no sense. It is perfect.

Lastly, I won’t count Emily’s date’s bowtie in the final bow tally, but who needs it?

FINAL BOW TALLY
Dress Bows: 5
Hair Bows: 5 (that’s one per formal)
Extra Bows: 1 specially made wrist corsage + 1 bonus bow on friend’s dress
Total: 12

I don’t know how one would keep a bangs scorecard, so I didn’t. But I’m pretty sure the bangs won the man-v-nature struggle.

Unless that was Randy Savage.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series: Part 4 of 5

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra? | 2 Comments

Year: 1992

Emily writes: “My junior prom. From when I was growing out my bangs – can you tell? Thankfully, the HUGE WHITE BOW in the back detracts from my forehead.

Speaking of bows….Apparently one bow-like decoration on the front of my dress wasn’t enough; I needed two. And no bra. Sweet.”

This photo makes me LOL because, even though she is smiling brightly, I have never — not once in my life — seen Emily make this face. She looks positively pained. Like maybe the bow in her hair is so tight it’s pulling her mouth into that position.

Also: I think it’s safe to say that when it came to formal occasions, Emily had ONE preferred hairstyle, and ONE ONLY. Bangs? No bangs? It makes no difference. The top half of her hair is getting pulled back into a barrette, and that barrette is going to have a mother effing BOW on it.

Speaking of which. Bow tally: 2 on the dress + 1 in the hair + 5 previous = 8.

Bows are currently outnumbering dresses 2 to 1.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series: Part 2 of 5

Posted on June 24, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Shine On!, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1990

Emily writes: “Winter formal, sophomore year. I *am* perky, aren’t I? Yet another bow…This time, one that matches my dress. Or, should I say, matches the OTHER BOWS on my sleeves that are BIGGER THAN MY HEAD. I should note that I loved this dress so much, I wore it to at least THREE different dances.

The gentleman between Jill and me is wearing – maybe – his father’s pants? Because they’re at LEAST 4 inches too long. Which is probably a better choice than the fellow at the far left of the frame… with his “formal” pants rolled ABOVE HIS ANKLES and… docksiders? Loafers? Awesome, no matter what you call them.”

I’m disappointed Emily didn’t have anything to say about her perm. Although maybe that’s what she was referring to with “perky.” The bangs especially.

Bow tally: 3 here plus 1 in previous post = 4. And counting.

Weekend Special: Our Bang

Posted on June 18, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, perms | 7 Comments

Year: 1993

It’s hard to say if you’ll find this entire thing as funny as I do, because probably you don’t know my friend, Beth. But she is hilarious and this whole thing makes me laugh. She writes:

* I’m on the left (which you know but not everyone knows). I distinctly recall thinking I had on more makeup than anyone had ever worn and worriedly asking my friend Karen’s (middle) dad if my face was a different color than my neck. His response: “Should it be?”
[ed note: LOL!]
* The boys were all best friends, and they made the girls a mix tape for the big night. The limo didn’t have a tape deck in the back, so we had to ask the driver to put it in his radio and keep the screen between the cab and the back open so we wouldn’t miss a second of the Bangles’ “Eternal Flame.” It was awesome.
* Although it’s hard to tell in the picture, my dress is navy, not black. I thought this would make me stand out.

If you look at the couples from left to right, you might think, “Hey, 1993 kinda reeled it in,” right up till the third couple. Like, “Oh, Beth and her date look perfectly normal. What a lovely dress. Oh, so do Karen and her date. Hmm, are those rhinestones on her straps? Well, and then OH, HOLY PROMTACULAR! THE POOR GIRL’S DRESS EXPLODED ON HER SHOULDERS!”

And then you’d notice that not only do the dresses become increasingly Promtacular! as you go from left to right, but so do the bangs. Boys included. In height as well as volume.

Overall, I’d have to say that Beth, you look lovely (and while your face is a different color from the rest of your skin, it looks like a matter of photography-related shadows), and your date has a fine head of hair. I don’t know what he’s looking at or why it’s making him smirk, but you know what’s amazing about that? Look at his smirk, the angle of his bangs, and the angle of his bow tie. They are all exactly the same.

Karen and date also look lovely, though I’d have to venture to guess that the boy in the middle has considerably less hair today. Amirite?

Lastly, you know what I love most about Ms. Exploding Shoulders and her date? Look at the pattern of her shoulder explosion and then look at the formation of her date’s hair. IT’S LIKE THEY PLANNED IT.