Promtacular!

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE FINALE! Featuring…Randy Savage?

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Celebrity Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra?, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1993

Sometimes prom pictures just outdo themselves.

Emily, who’s in the middle, in case you haven’t been following along in this five-part bow-saga, writes: “I clearly ROCKED the water-spout bangs. And Claire [left] clearly ROCKED the WHITE BOW AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD.”

For starters, this first finale photo is awesome for about a million reasons. It’s pretty, and the girls all look great, and this is the softer side of some of 1993′s prom-fashion contributions. You know?

But also: LOVE the construction paper and shiny stars around the photo cut-out. Is there any question this came from a teenaged girl’s scrapbook? No. There is not.

It does make me regret that I chose to focus on Emily’s bow-habit and not her man-versus-nature, classic struggle with her own bangs. But if we DO focus on her bows, I’m gonna go ahead and call the top of her dress a bow. Because that’s what it’s designed to look like.

BONUS BOW: WTG, Claire!

Figure 2:

Emily writes: “I’ve included this photo to draw attention to my hair. The bangs, again. Plus, I also paid just as much attention to the back of my hair as to the front, as evidenced by the bow THAT MY MOTHER *MADE*, in the EXACT SAME MATERIAL as the pink swatch on my dress.

Why was I still wearing bows in 1993???”

Because, Em. You somehow knew that one day, I’d start a website specifically so that I could showcase your bow-bangs battle.

Um, did your mom also make the bow on your corsage? Because I’m thinking she must have.

Now.

Dear Readers.

This is the moment you have been waiting for. I bring you…

Figure 3:

Emily finishes strong: “And finally… I don’t have any “official” photos from any of my dances, and I don’t even know if we posed in front of those delightful backdrops or not. But we didn’t need any of those muslin or star-filled backgrounds, because you know what we DID have?

A professional wrestler.

Is there anything more appropriate or exciting than discovering a WWF wrestler was the “special guest” at your senior prom? I think not.

And he did not disappoint, in his Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat glory, posing for photos with all of us prom-goers.

Yes. The prom committee PAID a WWF wrestler to be at the prom and pose for photos.”

This is maybe the most outstanding prom photo in the history of prom photos. Because, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, Randy “Macho Man” Savage is in it. It makes no sense. It is perfect.

Lastly, I won’t count Emily’s date’s bowtie in the final bow tally, but who needs it?

FINAL BOW TALLY
Dress Bows: 5
Hair Bows: 5 (that’s one per formal)
Extra Bows: 1 specially made wrist corsage + 1 bonus bow on friend’s dress
Total: 12

I don’t know how one would keep a bangs scorecard, so I didn’t. But I’m pretty sure the bangs won the man-v-nature struggle.

Unless that was Randy Savage.

Before There Was Ross There Was…Chandler?

Posted on March 09, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Celebrity Prom | 7 Comments

Year: 1987-ish

Jennifer Aniston, in her lovely teenaged years (with a stylin ‘do — WOW!) attended New York’s High School of the Performing Arts.

It is for this reason that I’m going to guess her date had a lot of personality.

P.S. Any ideas what that lone horse statue/plate thing is doing on the shelf behind Jennifer’s date’s head? I can’t figure it out.

Click “read more” to see extra photos of Jennifer’s high-school formal attire.

If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

Posted on March 05, 2010 by promtacular! in 2000s Prom, Celebrity Prom | 26 Comments

…don’t wear this to Prom.

Year: Far Too Recent

Promtacular! is not about being snarky. It is about celebrating our prom fashions as they deserve to be celebrated: in all their sequined, pouffy splendor. And I am certain, absolutely certain, that in another 10, maybe 15 years this will be more laughable than it is now.

Right?

This photo was originally featured on Dlisted. Because, if you couldn’t tell (perhaps because you hadn’t even noticed this lovely young lady has a head), this is American Idol’s favorite “minks,” Kellie Pickler.

And if her dress doesn’t say destined for stardom, well. It says something.

It was awfully kind of the dressmaker to build the thong straps right in, so Kellie didn’t have to bother with underwear at all. Plus the dress is sparkly! And comes with a wrap, which practically makes the whole ensemble elegant.

Especially as her jewelry is so understated. Think how gaudy this would have been if her dangling belly button ring had been longer.

She really dodged a bullet there.

*Ed note: Just because WE try not to be too snarky doesn’t mean YOU can’t be.

Brad Pitt’s Prom. For Her, The Night Of Her Life; For Him, Friday

Posted on February 26, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Celebrity Prom, Going to the Chapel(?), Tacky Backdrops | 8 Comments

Year: 1980s

In the Promtacular! world, this photo is basically a gift from the heavens.

Brad Pitt went to the prom and it was just as god-awful, HOLY-HELL-WHAT-IS-THAT-THEY’RE-SITTING-ON amazingas the rest of ours. Feel the validation!

Now, let’s forget for a moment that we’re talking about BRAD PITT and make a list of the Promtacularity on display here:

For the first quarter of their heads, they have the same hair. Same part, same feathering, same prom-picture-spotlight shadow. Amazing!
Her hair, with the straight feathering up top and flouncy curls on bottom is in the exact same shape as her dress. ON PURPOSE? Probably just a happy accident.
Speaking of happy accidents, nice tan lines.
This backdrop is one of THE most incredible I have ever seen. Nothing says “We’re so proud of you for graduating” like laying the floor with shit-brown carpets and setting up a giant pleather-padded chair acquired from the local VFW hall. No balloons, no flowers, no signs, no celebratory anything.
Unless you count the assorted plants. Those must be the special, celebratory plants.

What I like most about this photo is that they both appear to be happy. It’s just…when we go back to remembering that this is, in fact, BRAD PITT, it takes on special meaning. Her whole look — from the white, frilly, Southern Bell pseudo-wedding dress to the hair that matches — suggests that she thinks this might be the best night of her life.

The rest of us in the free world look at this picture and know that it was.

For Brad? Not so much.