Promtacular!

State Fair O’Hara

Posted on July 21, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Backdrop FAIL, Bizarre Backdrops, Lace Disgrace, Oh Bows, On The Plantation, Pairing With White, Prom or Costume?, Shine On!, perms | No Comments

Year: Totally Doesn’t Matter.

You know. Once you get past the onslaught of this photo’s amazing Promtacular! explosions, it offers you a secret gift. I almost missed it myself until I tilted my screen just so. Oh, it’s magnificent. But let’s address the obvious first, shall we?

Her dress. Her shiny, lacy, pink Scarlett-O’Hara-meets-State-Fair dress. I don’t even– what IS that material? It is reflecting the camera flash, and not even in a satin-shiny kind of way. More like in a cellophane-shiny kind of way. Which is just utterly amazing. It’s like she wanted to look like cotton candy that she brought back from the State Fair wrapped in cellophane.

And not just cotton candy wrapped in cellophane. Cotton candy covered in a fancy, fancy napkin, wrapped in cellophane. At the State Fair.

Complete with State Fair Hair!

Because, as a gift to me from the Prom Gods, her hair is higher than her face is long. No, no. This is not me being funny. This is actually true. Get out your ruler. Measure from the bottom of her chin to the top of her head. Now measure where her bangs start to the top of her head-cascade. IS THAT NOT IMPRESSIVE?

Oh, and while I’m all-caps-ing at you, may I also ask: WHERE IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS PHOTO TAKEN?

Was their prom in “the study” on the set of the board game Clue?

Was their prom in the office of the University President?

Perhaps their prom was in the Captain’s Quarters of the Titanic?

I just…what?

It makes me feel bad for them — happy as they are — because there isn’t a single tacky streamer or fake flower or floating flower vase or Mardi Gras mask anywhere in sight. You know what there is, though? I’m certain that just off to the side, there’s a globe. And a model ship in a glass case.

Prom in the Hall of Records.

THE SECRET GIFT

Did you guess it? Do you know what it is?

This girl’s date at first looks cute and sweet and a little dorky (entirely the fault of the era-acceptable glasses), until you look closer at his hair line. Not the one along his forehead. The one along the line of OHMYGOD HIS HAIR IS AS HIGH AS HERS!!!

How does that even happen? It’s a Promtacular! miracle!

Mouthguard?

Posted on July 01, 2010 by promtacular! in 2000s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Prom or Costume? | 3 Comments

Year: 2000s

Wow. This girl’s date is way too skinny and those gloves totally don’t match her outfit.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE FINALE! Featuring…Randy Savage?

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Celebrity Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra?, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1993

Sometimes prom pictures just outdo themselves.

Emily, who’s in the middle, in case you haven’t been following along in this five-part bow-saga, writes: “I clearly ROCKED the water-spout bangs. And Claire [left] clearly ROCKED the WHITE BOW AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD.”

For starters, this first finale photo is awesome for about a million reasons. It’s pretty, and the girls all look great, and this is the softer side of some of 1993′s prom-fashion contributions. You know?

But also: LOVE the construction paper and shiny stars around the photo cut-out. Is there any question this came from a teenaged girl’s scrapbook? No. There is not.

It does make me regret that I chose to focus on Emily’s bow-habit and not her man-versus-nature, classic struggle with her own bangs. But if we DO focus on her bows, I’m gonna go ahead and call the top of her dress a bow. Because that’s what it’s designed to look like.

BONUS BOW: WTG, Claire!

Figure 2:

Emily writes: “I’ve included this photo to draw attention to my hair. The bangs, again. Plus, I also paid just as much attention to the back of my hair as to the front, as evidenced by the bow THAT MY MOTHER *MADE*, in the EXACT SAME MATERIAL as the pink swatch on my dress.

Why was I still wearing bows in 1993???”

Because, Em. You somehow knew that one day, I’d start a website specifically so that I could showcase your bow-bangs battle.

Um, did your mom also make the bow on your corsage? Because I’m thinking she must have.

Now.

Dear Readers.

This is the moment you have been waiting for. I bring you…

Figure 3:

Emily finishes strong: “And finally… I don’t have any “official” photos from any of my dances, and I don’t even know if we posed in front of those delightful backdrops or not. But we didn’t need any of those muslin or star-filled backgrounds, because you know what we DID have?

Yes. The prom committee PAID a WWF wrestler to be at the prom and pose for photos.”

This is maybe the most outstanding prom photo in the history of prom photos. Because, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, Randy “Macho Man” Savage is in it. It makes no sense. It is perfect.

Lastly, I won’t count Emily’s date’s bowtie in the final bow tally, but who needs it?

FINAL BOW TALLY
Dress Bows: 5
Hair Bows: 5 (that’s one per formal)
Extra Bows: 1 specially made wrist corsage + 1 bonus bow on friend’s dress
Total: 12

I don’t know how one would keep a bangs scorecard, so I didn’t. But I’m pretty sure the bangs won the man-v-nature struggle.

Unless that was Randy Savage.

And That Concept Is “Jersey”

Posted on June 08, 2010 by promtacular! in 2000s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Tacky Backdrops | 1 Comment

Year: 2001

Sarah, featured below, writes: “Sure enough, the Winter Formal photos from 2001 feature the same broken mirror floor. You can see I acquired some grownup fashion sense between 2001 and 2002. This date was a friend from a different school. Unfortunately, you can’t see in this photo that my date really had fangs and that I had gold glitter in my hair. Actual craft glitter. Held in with hairspray.”

I actually think that this backdrop makes more sense than the 2002 prom photo, but only if I’m forced to pick one over the other. Because let’s discuss this.

I suppose the black is because it’s winter. And, hey, nothing makes winter more fun and festive than draping everything with black.

And then I guess I get the notion of spray-painting the floral arrangement white. Perhaps we are to think it has recently snowed on them? Which would be kind of lovely except that the snow would have killed the flowers and anyway, why are flowers blooming in the middle of a snowy winter?

The Grecian half-column is a subtle touch. Especially with a giant death-vase on top of it.

I still do not understand the floor. Not even a little. Not even in winter.

But what is the white drape? Why is it cinched? What on earth is happening here? If the drape is, perhaps? maybe? possibly? supposed to represent…snow?…then cinching it makes no sense unless we are supposed to think the snow is shooting out from this couple’s midsection.

Do you suppose the design was just supposed to be “conceptual”? Visually “pleasing”?

I can’t really add much about these high-school formal outfits. Naturally, I regret that we can’t see Sarah’s hairsprayed glitter (oh, Jersey), and Sarah’s date seems to have an expression that suggests he’s resigned to the fact that the photo he’s posing for will someday appear on the internet.

Prom At The Grecian Ice Rink!

Posted on June 07, 2010 by promtacular! in 2000s Prom, Backdrop FAIL, Bizarre Backdrops, Prom or Costume? | No Comments

Year: 2002

My bloggy friend Sarah writes: “I’m not worried about blurring out his face, because the photo is so darn small. Plus, that would ruin the effect of his wearing sunglasses in our official prom photo. Unfortunately, no one in NJ could find the large size copy of this, just a wallet size that had weird smudges on it which I edited out.

I feel that my dress is not the Promtacular! part of this photo so much as my date’s getup. He and I went with a group of creatively dressed people, including another guy in a different kilt. What we were not prepared for was seeing a guy NOT from our group at prom in a kilt — in the SAME kilt. ‘He’s not even Scottish! He’s English!’ my date complained. Also, I totally wish there had been Bumpits in 2002 to complete my hairstyle.”

I don’t really know what to say here. I don’t understand any part of this.

I don’t understand why everything is adorned in white. It’s not even wedding white, either. It’s more like inspired-by-the-Parthenon white. Except, of course, for the mirrored glass the couple is standing on. Which is because why? Is this supposed to be ice? A broken mirror? (GOOD LUCK WITH LIFE AFTER GRADUATING.) Is the photographer trying to see up the prom dresses?

For real. Explain to me the cracked-ice-mirror-floor decorating decision. I dare you.

That this photo also contains a male prom-goer in a kilt wearing sunglasses — flashing us his stocking-covered leg — is merely icing on the inexplicable Weird Prom Hall Of Mirrors cake.

And yet? I, too, am sad that Sarah isn’t wearing a Bumpit.