Promtacular!

All Aglow

Posted on August 19, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, Lace Disgrace, Mullets, Shoulder Pads | 1 Comment

Year: Take a guess.

Turns out, even the world’s most beautiful and famous bloggers were young and high-banged once.

Oh. Oh, Kelly.

Let’s start by pointing out that this photo’s fuzziness actually elevates its uber-fabulous status. The fuzz looks perfectly intentional, as though someone coated the lens with Vaseline to soften the light and lines and make the image appear more romantic, misted, timeless. The way photo montages in Lifetime movies in the 80s (what? shutup) looked.

Except of course, nothing* about this image is timeless. The hairdos, the jewelry, the 300 fashion statements Kelly’s dress is making…None of these made it past what? 1994?

The Vaseline makes it hard to determine the color of Kelly’s dress, and probably that’s okay. It comes across as pink, maybe peach. Which is better than if it were simply white (where I’d then be forced to categorize this under the “Prom or Wedding?” heading).

But who cares about color when there’s so, so much lace? An entire, long-sleeved, high-necked, low-waisted bodice of nothing but lace!

That’s a Promtacular! first, kids. Legends are being made here, today.

The non-padded-but-puffed-up-shoulders are a very nice touch. They’re there to help balance the two floufy, ruffled skirt-tiers. Right?

Right. But let’s be honest about “balance.” This dress, in all its lace-tier-shoulder-puff brilliance would have swallowed a lesser girl whole. Frankly, it would have swallowed an entire lesser couple. But not Kelly and her date.

Kelly, perhaps unwittingly, took her dress as a challenge, and kicked its ass. Her hair sees her dress, and raises it. (Literally.) The style is perfect, the earrings are bold. She has made it work, like some, I dunno, genius of physics.

And — obviously — no simple, wimpy corsage would do. Instead, her date thoughtfully gave her an entire rose bush to hold.

Speaking of her date: his hair is priceless. You’d think, if you just saw a photo of Kelly, that no man could stand up to her Genius Of Physics look. And yet? He does. That one bit of bang hanging over his forehead is just the right touch.

But perhaps what makes this photo most awesome of all is this line from her date, regarding their respective heights: “If memory serves I was in fact standing on something…and I believe Kelly was bending her knees.”

Well done!

*Save for the tinsel curtains; those will find their way into prom backdrops forever.

State Fair O’Hara

Posted on July 21, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Backdrop FAIL, Bizarre Backdrops, Lace Disgrace, Oh Bows, On The Plantation, Pairing With White, Prom or Costume?, Shine On!, perms | No Comments

Year: Totally Doesn’t Matter.

You know. Once you get past the onslaught of this photo’s amazing Promtacular! explosions, it offers you a secret gift. I almost missed it myself until I tilted my screen just so. Oh, it’s magnificent. But let’s address the obvious first, shall we?

Her dress. Her shiny, lacy, pink Scarlett-O’Hara-meets-State-Fair dress. I don’t even– what IS that material? It is reflecting the camera flash, and not even in a satin-shiny kind of way. More like in a cellophane-shiny kind of way. Which is just utterly amazing. It’s like she wanted to look like cotton candy that she brought back from the State Fair wrapped in cellophane.

And not just cotton candy wrapped in cellophane. Cotton candy covered in a fancy, fancy napkin, wrapped in cellophane. At the State Fair.

Complete with State Fair Hair!

Because, as a gift to me from the Prom Gods, her hair is higher than her face is long. No, no. This is not me being funny. This is actually true. Get out your ruler. Measure from the bottom of her chin to the top of her head. Now measure where her bangs start to the top of her head-cascade. IS THAT NOT IMPRESSIVE?

Oh, and while I’m all-caps-ing at you, may I also ask: WHERE IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS PHOTO TAKEN?

Was their prom in “the study” on the set of the board game Clue?

Was their prom in the office of the University President?

Perhaps their prom was in the Captain’s Quarters of the Titanic?

I just…what?

It makes me feel bad for them — happy as they are — because there isn’t a single tacky streamer or fake flower or floating flower vase or Mardi Gras mask anywhere in sight. You know what there is, though? I’m certain that just off to the side, there’s a globe. And a model ship in a glass case.

Prom in the Hall of Records.

THE SECRET GIFT

Did you guess it? Do you know what it is?

This girl’s date at first looks cute and sweet and a little dorky (entirely the fault of the era-acceptable glasses), until you look closer at his hair line. Not the one along his forehead. The one along the line of OHMYGOD HIS HAIR IS AS HIGH AS HERS!!!

How does that even happen? It’s a Promtacular! miracle!

Weekend Special: Our Bang

Posted on June 18, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, perms | 7 Comments

Year: 1993

It’s hard to say if you’ll find this entire thing as funny as I do, because probably you don’t know my friend, Beth. But she is hilarious and this whole thing makes me laugh. She writes:

* I’m on the left (which you know but not everyone knows). I distinctly recall thinking I had on more makeup than anyone had ever worn and worriedly asking my friend Karen’s (middle) dad if my face was a different color than my neck. His response: “Should it be?”
[ed note: LOL!]
* The boys were all best friends, and they made the girls a mix tape for the big night. The limo didn’t have a tape deck in the back, so we had to ask the driver to put it in his radio and keep the screen between the cab and the back open so we wouldn’t miss a second of the Bangles’ “Eternal Flame.” It was awesome.
* Although it’s hard to tell in the picture, my dress is navy, not black. I thought this would make me stand out.

If you look at the couples from left to right, you might think, “Hey, 1993 kinda reeled it in,” right up till the third couple. Like, “Oh, Beth and her date look perfectly normal. What a lovely dress. Oh, so do Karen and her date. Hmm, are those rhinestones on her straps? Well, and then OH, HOLY PROMTACULAR! THE POOR GIRL’S DRESS EXPLODED ON HER SHOULDERS!”

And then you’d notice that not only do the dresses become increasingly Promtacular! as you go from left to right, but so do the bangs. Boys included. In height as well as volume.

Overall, I’d have to say that Beth, you look lovely (and while your face is a different color from the rest of your skin, it looks like a matter of photography-related shadows), and your date has a fine head of hair. I don’t know what he’s looking at or why it’s making him smirk, but you know what’s amazing about that? Look at his smirk, the angle of his bangs, and the angle of his bow tie. They are all exactly the same.

Karen and date also look lovely, though I’d have to venture to guess that the boy in the middle has considerably less hair today. Amirite?

Lastly, you know what I love most about Ms. Exploding Shoulders and her date? Look at the pattern of her shoulder explosion and then look at the formation of her date’s hair. IT’S LIKE THEY PLANNED IT.

My Bodyguard

Posted on June 14, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Aquanet!, Oh Bows, Shine On!, perms | No Comments

Year: 1988

You know, it’s been a long time since we’ve had the shape of someone’s dress echoed in her hairstyle. (Or is the shape of her hair echoed in her dress? Truly, a question for the ages.) The point is, the hair and the dress both have wings.

The dress — spectacular in all its shiny, shiny glory — juts out at the sleeves and hips (and who doesn’t want a dress jutting out at the hips?), much as the hair takes off just above this girl’s ears.

Again, for the younger folks who may be bewildered as to why someone would want to hairspray their (already colored and permed) hair into the shape of fanned handlebars, I don’t really have an answer for you. But you can rest assured that she was not the only one at her prom with such a look.

Also, you may note that her legs are ever-so-slightly reflecting light? Yes, well. Once upon a time, no matter how tan you were, you still had to wear pantyhose.

I cannot explain the black shoes. Perhaps they are to match her date’s suit?

Assuming that is her date and not a hired hit man.

Weekend Special: Setting The Gold Standard, Plus Van-tastic BONUS PHOTO

Posted on June 11, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, Aquanet!, Mullets, Oh Bows, Shine On!, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1987

Ellyn writes:
Gold lamé dress: check
Gold shoes: check
Gold stockings: check
Gold earrings: check
Gold necklace: check
Gold bracelet: check
Gold bow for hair: check

What am i missing? OH! i know….the SiLvEr BrAcEs!! Also, dig the mullet on my HS sweetheart.”

If this photo doesn’t make your weekend, I don’t know why you even come here.

1987? Ellyn and her gold dress and mullet date have officially PWND you.

BUT! Just when you thought it couldn’t get ANY BETTER?

You’re welcome.