Promtacular!

All Aglow

Posted on August 19, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, Lace Disgrace, Mullets, Shoulder Pads | 1 Comment

Year: Take a guess.

Turns out, even the world’s most beautiful and famous bloggers were young and high-banged once.

Oh. Oh, Kelly.

Let’s start by pointing out that this photo’s fuzziness actually elevates its uber-fabulous status. The fuzz looks perfectly intentional, as though someone coated the lens with Vaseline to soften the light and lines and make the image appear more romantic, misted, timeless. The way photo montages in Lifetime movies in the 80s (what? shutup) looked.

Except of course, nothing* about this image is timeless. The hairdos, the jewelry, the 300 fashion statements Kelly’s dress is making…None of these made it past what? 1994?

The Vaseline makes it hard to determine the color of Kelly’s dress, and probably that’s okay. It comes across as pink, maybe peach. Which is better than if it were simply white (where I’d then be forced to categorize this under the “Prom or Wedding?” heading).

But who cares about color when there’s so, so much lace? An entire, long-sleeved, high-necked, low-waisted bodice of nothing but lace!

That’s a Promtacular! first, kids. Legends are being made here, today.

The non-padded-but-puffed-up-shoulders are a very nice touch. They’re there to help balance the two floufy, ruffled skirt-tiers. Right?

Right. But let’s be honest about “balance.” This dress, in all its lace-tier-shoulder-puff brilliance would have swallowed a lesser girl whole. Frankly, it would have swallowed an entire lesser couple. But not Kelly and her date.

Kelly, perhaps unwittingly, took her dress as a challenge, and kicked its ass. Her hair sees her dress, and raises it. (Literally.) The style is perfect, the earrings are bold. She has made it work, like some, I dunno, genius of physics.

And — obviously — no simple, wimpy corsage would do. Instead, her date thoughtfully gave her an entire rose bush to hold.

Speaking of her date: his hair is priceless. You’d think, if you just saw a photo of Kelly, that no man could stand up to her Genius Of Physics look. And yet? He does. That one bit of bang hanging over his forehead is just the right touch.

But perhaps what makes this photo most awesome of all is this line from her date, regarding their respective heights: “If memory serves I was in fact standing on something…and I believe Kelly was bending her knees.”

Well done!

*Save for the tinsel curtains; those will find their way into prom backdrops forever.

State Fair O’Hara

Posted on July 21, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Backdrop FAIL, Bizarre Backdrops, Lace Disgrace, Oh Bows, On The Plantation, Pairing With White, Prom or Costume?, Shine On!, perms | No Comments

Year: Totally Doesn’t Matter.

You know. Once you get past the onslaught of this photo’s amazing Promtacular! explosions, it offers you a secret gift. I almost missed it myself until I tilted my screen just so. Oh, it’s magnificent. But let’s address the obvious first, shall we?

Her dress. Her shiny, lacy, pink Scarlett-O’Hara-meets-State-Fair dress. I don’t even– what IS that material? It is reflecting the camera flash, and not even in a satin-shiny kind of way. More like in a cellophane-shiny kind of way. Which is just utterly amazing. It’s like she wanted to look like cotton candy that she brought back from the State Fair wrapped in cellophane.

And not just cotton candy wrapped in cellophane. Cotton candy covered in a fancy, fancy napkin, wrapped in cellophane. At the State Fair.

Complete with State Fair Hair!

Because, as a gift to me from the Prom Gods, her hair is higher than her face is long. No, no. This is not me being funny. This is actually true. Get out your ruler. Measure from the bottom of her chin to the top of her head. Now measure where her bangs start to the top of her head-cascade. IS THAT NOT IMPRESSIVE?

Oh, and while I’m all-caps-ing at you, may I also ask: WHERE IN GOD’S NAME IS THIS PHOTO TAKEN?

Was their prom in “the study” on the set of the board game Clue?

Was their prom in the office of the University President?

Perhaps their prom was in the Captain’s Quarters of the Titanic?

I just…what?

It makes me feel bad for them — happy as they are — because there isn’t a single tacky streamer or fake flower or floating flower vase or Mardi Gras mask anywhere in sight. You know what there is, though? I’m certain that just off to the side, there’s a globe. And a model ship in a glass case.

Prom in the Hall of Records.

THE SECRET GIFT

Did you guess it? Do you know what it is?

This girl’s date at first looks cute and sweet and a little dorky (entirely the fault of the era-acceptable glasses), until you look closer at his hair line. Not the one along his forehead. The one along the line of OHMYGOD HIS HAIR IS AS HIGH AS HERS!!!

How does that even happen? It’s a Promtacular! miracle!

The Rainbow Connection

Posted on July 20, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Tacky Backdrops, perms | No Comments

Year: Your Guess Is As Good As Mine. Let’s Say 1991.

As I’ve pointed out before, the early 90s was a confused year for hair. Women were gently, slowly moving out of the Decade Of Perms, but not without a good fight. This girl here is Exhibit A in the “But I LIKE Perms” Department of Pre-1995. Her perm is not totally in your face, it’s not 17 miles high off her head, there are no corresponding bangs jutting out into purple-scented Aussie-spritzed waterfalls. The permed beast has been tamed.

Meanwhile our gentleman friend here has the same haircut my boyfriend had. Parted in the middle; longish all around, practically with bangs; but with shaved sides. Because why? Because the “Party in the Back” mullet stylings had become so gauche, I guess, that men decided to kill the party altogether. The only thing to do was to shave the party off. (I can’t explain the middle part/bang situation. Blame “Friends.”)

The thing I like best about this photo, perhaps OBVIOUSLY, is that it is clear this couple dressed to complement the wallpaper. Which is a thing of beauty. Notice how the swirly flower bits of her dress are echoed in the faux gold leafing of the wallpaper! Notice how his rainbow vest picks up the teal and peach in the flowers of the wallpaper border! And that one white-pink bud creeping up from behind the guy’s left shoulder? Is that not the same flower that’s on his date’s wrist?

I do believe it is.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series WEEKEND SPECIAL: THE FINALE! Featuring…Randy Savage?

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Bizarre Backdrops, Celebrity Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra?, perms | 2 Comments

Year: 1993

Sometimes prom pictures just outdo themselves.

Emily, who’s in the middle, in case you haven’t been following along in this five-part bow-saga, writes: “I clearly ROCKED the water-spout bangs. And Claire [left] clearly ROCKED the WHITE BOW AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD.”

For starters, this first finale photo is awesome for about a million reasons. It’s pretty, and the girls all look great, and this is the softer side of some of 1993′s prom-fashion contributions. You know?

But also: LOVE the construction paper and shiny stars around the photo cut-out. Is there any question this came from a teenaged girl’s scrapbook? No. There is not.

It does make me regret that I chose to focus on Emily’s bow-habit and not her man-versus-nature, classic struggle with her own bangs. But if we DO focus on her bows, I’m gonna go ahead and call the top of her dress a bow. Because that’s what it’s designed to look like.

BONUS BOW: WTG, Claire!

Figure 2:

Emily writes: “I’ve included this photo to draw attention to my hair. The bangs, again. Plus, I also paid just as much attention to the back of my hair as to the front, as evidenced by the bow THAT MY MOTHER *MADE*, in the EXACT SAME MATERIAL as the pink swatch on my dress.

Why was I still wearing bows in 1993???”

Because, Em. You somehow knew that one day, I’d start a website specifically so that I could showcase your bow-bangs battle.

Um, did your mom also make the bow on your corsage? Because I’m thinking she must have.

Now.

Dear Readers.

This is the moment you have been waiting for. I bring you…

Figure 3:

Emily finishes strong: “And finally… I don’t have any “official” photos from any of my dances, and I don’t even know if we posed in front of those delightful backdrops or not. But we didn’t need any of those muslin or star-filled backgrounds, because you know what we DID have?

Yes. The prom committee PAID a WWF wrestler to be at the prom and pose for photos.”

This is maybe the most outstanding prom photo in the history of prom photos. Because, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, Randy “Macho Man” Savage is in it. It makes no sense. It is perfect.

Lastly, I won’t count Emily’s date’s bowtie in the final bow tally, but who needs it?

FINAL BOW TALLY
Dress Bows: 5
Hair Bows: 5 (that’s one per formal)
Extra Bows: 1 specially made wrist corsage + 1 bonus bow on friend’s dress
Total: 12

I don’t know how one would keep a bangs scorecard, so I didn’t. But I’m pretty sure the bangs won the man-v-nature struggle.

Unless that was Randy Savage.

Emily & The “OH NOES, BOWS!” Series: Part 4 of 5

Posted on June 25, 2010 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Hybrid Bangs, Oh Bows, Where's Your Bra? | 2 Comments

Year: 1992

Emily writes: “My junior prom. From when I was growing out my bangs – can you tell? Thankfully, the HUGE WHITE BOW in the back detracts from my forehead.

Speaking of bows….Apparently one bow-like decoration on the front of my dress wasn’t enough; I needed two. And no bra. Sweet.”

This photo makes me LOL because, even though she is smiling brightly, I have never — not once in my life — seen Emily make this face. She looks positively pained. Like maybe the bow in her hair is so tight it’s pulling her mouth into that position.

Also: I think it’s safe to say that when it came to formal occasions, Emily had ONE preferred hairstyle, and ONE ONLY. Bangs? No bangs? It makes no difference. The top half of her hair is getting pulled back into a barrette, and that barrette is going to have a mother effing BOW on it.

Speaking of which. Bow tally: 2 on the dress + 1 in the hair + 5 previous = 8.

Bows are currently outnumbering dresses 2 to 1.