The stolen bouquet
Posted on May 05, 2011 by Melissa in SEQUINS! | No Comments
I blame my dateless proms, dateless Saturday nights, and over all singledom on a stolen bridal bouquet. My Uncle was getting married, I was in the fifth grade and what was politely described as “tubby.” For the skinny girls out there, let me define, “tubby.” Tubby is the most polite manner in which a pre-pubescent girl can be described as past “chubby” and skirting the scale with “overweight” but she’s still young enough to hope that a growth spurt will even out the weight. “Tubby” is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a desirable size to be, as it carries with it a bit of awkwardness because said girl doesn’t yet know how to carry her excessive weight.
Back to the wedding. Uncle is getting hitched and his wife-to-be doesn’t want to spoil the wedding pictures with photos of what a mean-spirited person might call, “The Fat Chic.” I am left out of the wedding party, and devastated about it. I thought I would die of embarrassment, to be honest. To make up for the snub, I was determined to catch the bridal bouquet and prove that Karma had a man in mind for me…one day.
Not sure exactly how I did it, but I managed to make it through the ceremony and most of the reception without breaking out into tears that I didn’t get to wear a dress similar to the one here:
Photo courtesy of Tony Bowls via Google Images
Yes, I was salivating over the chance to wear teal, and sequins and bows. Oh, the sequins!
The moment arrives. The bride, my new Aunt, gets into position. All her eager friends and bridesmaids are lined up. To handicap me, I was forced to carry my baby sister. She was two. I was annoyed. But, I held on to hope!
Catapaulted into the air, the bouquet was making its descent just to my right. With my sister sitting on my left hip, my arm secured around her, I reached my chubby right arm into the air. VICTORY! I had that bouquet firmly in my grasp.
Then, it happened. An overzealous, and probably drunk, bridesmaid wrapped her fingers around my wrist. Digging her fake nails into my skin, she wouldn’t let go! She pulled, and nagged and knocked me about.
I had two choices: 1) hold on to the bouquet for dear life or 2) drop my baby sister.
Needless to say, I made my sis a priority and relinquished the bouquet.
Dear Karma:
I put the well being of my sis ahead of me then, when’s it my turn?
Love, Single & Sick of it
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