Promtacular!

And…We’re Back! With Mullety Goodness To Brighten Your Fall

Posted on September 13, 2011 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Blame the Photographer, Mullets, perms, SEQUINS!, Shoulder Pads, Who died? | 3 Comments

Year: 1990

Eric writes: “This was taken in 1990, in Vestaburg, MI, at my (then) girlfriend’s house before we all left for the shindig. I’m the guy at the far right, with the totally classy mullet. The dudes in white are brothers, and although they, too, show mullets, theirs are of the “I fix cars, or at least try to” variety. Our friend on the left was an early adopter of the short-hair trend.

From here, we went to the “nice” restaurant in town, where my date ordered a steak with a side of lobster tail, which cost more than I had any idea a meal *could* cost. Luckily, one of the brothers slipped me some extra cash when the girls visited the ladies room.”

Honestly, I could say nothing about the paragon of Promtacularosity that is this photo. Just let it all sink in.

It takes quite a picture to overshadow the fake wood paneling and the GOLDEN BUTTERFLIES stuck to it. But they manage. (Congratulations, Eric!)

So. Let’s see. The dude on the left is playing peekaboo with his date, who looks…well…perhaps she was very on-trend with her hair cut (sort of Swing Out Sister meets kindergarten teacher meets…bowl?), but the combo of her hair and dress make her look about 20 years older than she is — I’m assuming she was not in her late 30s — and also maybe a minister. Presiding (do ministers “preside”? whatever) over a funeral. Although that is a lovely pink tree growing on her lapel. (Note: dresses should not have “lapels.”)

The Mullet Brothers are awesome. They look stoned and uncomfortable and unhappy. YAY PROM! Also, I wouldn’t have guessed they were brothers save for the shared eyebrows, which practically connect from one brother to the other.

Mullet Brother #1′s date is every kind of unfortunate that could possibly befall someone transitioning out of the 80s. I actually wore a dress exactly like this one (several years later) when I was performing in a community opera production. What I’m saying is, aside from making an appearance as a Victim Of Early 90s Fashion Bridesmaid, the BEST this dress could hope to achieve post-prom is community opera production. And that is saying a whole lot.

Moving on to the girl with Mullet Brother #2, I just have to say wow. And also I’m sorry but it kind of looks like at any moment she could just thrust her arms forward and rip off the bottom half of the dress because — TA-DA! — she’s actually a stripper ready to do a pole dance.

Now, please don’t misunderstand: I’m not saying she looks like a stripper. I’m saying that the sequined bodice would totally work for a stripper (can’t you see it?), and that’s all kinds of awesome.

I’m at a loss for what to say about her earrings, but they need mention. Any earrings that completely obscure ones ears DO need mention.

Also, I love Love LOVE how her hair is really the precursor to Pauly D’s.

And lastly we have Eric and his steak-lobster date who looks like a bride except for the surprise(!) black accents in the dress. Also, speaking as someone who has the opposite of red curly hair, I’m just going to bet she has since found some amazing products that have changed her life. And contacts.

Well, and there you have it. Promtacular goodness, right down to the miserable expression on everyone’s faces, the awkward poses, the half-the-group-with-redeye, half-the-group-looking-somewhere/anywhere-else.

It’s good to be back.

Shake It Like A…Well, You Know

Posted on April 12, 2011 by promtacular! in 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Group Prom Pictures, Hybrid Bangs, perms, Shoulder Pads | 4 Comments

Year: 1993

Tara writes: “This was our 8th grade dance, & I have no idea what possessed us to all try to take a picture together. Yes, it is a Polaroid. I’m the one in the black, in the chair (yes, chair). The girl in the teal actually borrowed that dress & matching dyed shoes from me.”

Is it me, or is everyone’s fashion sort of…pointy? I don’t remember 1993 having so many angles. Then again, my brain was in a hair mousse fog in 1993, so who can remember? It just seems that the bustlines are all Vs and the shoes are Vs and even the hairdos are kind of Vs and hey, remember Polaroids?

I am enamored of this photo for many reasons. I really like that it captures all the awkward that is 8th grade prom. Everyone is trying to look older than they are, but can’t quite pull it off. I love the girl standing in the purple dress who is happy to hold her date’s hand, and somehow simultaneously lean into him while leaning AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE. (“You can have my shoulders, but nothing below the waist!”)

Compare this to the boy all the way on the right, who has casually placed his arm around his date, but is refusing to suggest he in any way enjoys that fact. His look (from what I can make of the shadowy Polaroid) seems to be saying, “Everyone here smells.”

I also enjoy the poor girl all the way in the back on the left. The ones in the back in the middle you can’t see at all; but she? She had a fighting chance to been seen. Unfortunately, all we know is that she’s in a white dress with high hair and at least one white shoe.

The girl in the middle? I AM WEARING PURPLE POLKA DOTS AND I CAN STILL KICK YOUR ASS. It is my professional opinion that you don’t ever want to mess with a girl willing to wear purple polka dots to a formal event.

As for the girl in teal on a plastic chair who’s exposing far more of her thigh than she ever intended, well. What can you do about those sleeves? Somewhere, in her subconscious, she knew. She knew that someday, somehow, the sleeves would come back to get her.

And they have.

Also, I don’t understand the brown /\ chevron thing in the background, but it’s clearly unimportant because it’s been covered by batches of NOT EVEN MYLAR balloons.

Man, I love Polaroids.

All Aglow

Posted on August 19, 2010 by promtacular! in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, Lace Disgrace, Mullets, Shoulder Pads | 1 Comment

Year: Take a guess.

Turns out, even the world’s most beautiful and famous bloggers were young and high-banged once.

Oh. Oh, Kelly.

Let’s start by pointing out that this photo’s fuzziness actually elevates its uber-fabulous status. The fuzz looks perfectly intentional, as though someone coated the lens with Vaseline to soften the light and lines and make the image appear more romantic, misted, timeless. The way photo montages in Lifetime movies in the 80s (what? shutup) looked.

Except of course, nothing* about this image is timeless. The hairdos, the jewelry, the 300 fashion statements Kelly’s dress is making…None of these made it past what? 1994?

The Vaseline makes it hard to determine the color of Kelly’s dress, and probably that’s okay. It comes across as pink, maybe peach. Which is better than if it were simply white (where I’d then be forced to categorize this under the “Prom or Wedding?” heading).

But who cares about color when there’s so, so much lace? An entire, long-sleeved, high-necked, low-waisted bodice of nothing but lace!

That’s a Promtacular! first, kids. Legends are being made here, today.

The non-padded-but-puffed-up-shoulders are a very nice touch. They’re there to help balance the two floufy, ruffled skirt-tiers. Right?

Right. But let’s be honest about “balance.” This dress, in all its lace-tier-shoulder-puff brilliance would have swallowed a lesser girl whole. Frankly, it would have swallowed an entire lesser couple. But not Kelly and her date.

Kelly, perhaps unwittingly, took her dress as a challenge, and kicked its ass. Her hair sees her dress, and raises it. (Literally.) The style is perfect, the earrings are bold. She has made it work, like some, I dunno, genius of physics.

And — obviously — no simple, wimpy corsage would do. Instead, her date thoughtfully gave her an entire rose bush to hold.

Speaking of her date: his hair is priceless. You’d think, if you just saw a photo of Kelly, that no man could stand up to her Genius Of Physics look. And yet? He does. That one bit of bang hanging over his forehead is just the right touch.

But perhaps what makes this photo most awesome of all is this line from her date, regarding their respective heights: “If memory serves I was in fact standing on something…and I believe Kelly was bending her knees.”

Well done!

*Save for the tinsel curtains; those will find their way into prom backdrops forever.