Archive for 'SEQUINS!'
Eric writes: “This was taken in 1990, in Vestaburg, MI, at my (then) girlfriend’s house before we all left for the shindig. I’m the guy at the far right, with the totally classy mullet. The dudes in white are brothers, and although they, too, show mullets, theirs are of the “I fix cars, or at least try to” variety. Our friend on the left was an early adopter of the short-hair trend.
From here, we went to the “nice” restaurant in town, where my date ordered a steak with a side of lobster tail, which cost more than I had any idea a meal *could* cost. Luckily, one of the brothers slipped me some extra cash when the girls visited the ladies room.”
Honestly, I could say nothing about the paragon of Promtacularosity that is this photo. Just let it all sink in.
It takes quite a picture to overshadow the fake wood paneling and the GOLDEN BUTTERFLIES stuck to it. But they manage. (Congratulations, Eric!)
So. Let’s see. The dude on the left is playing peekaboo with his date, who looks…well…perhaps she was very on-trend with her hair cut (sort of Swing Out Sister meets kindergarten teacher meets…bowl?), but the combo of her hair and dress make her look about 20 years older than she is — I’m assuming she was not in her late 30s — and also maybe a minister. Presiding (do ministers “preside”? whatever) over a funeral. Although that is a lovely pink tree growing on her lapel. (Note: dresses should not have “lapels.”)
The Mullet Brothers are awesome. They look stoned and uncomfortable and unhappy. YAY PROM! Also, I wouldn’t have guessed they were brothers save for the shared eyebrows, which practically connect from one brother to the other.
Mullet Brother #1′s date is every kind of unfortunate that could possibly befall someone transitioning out of the 80s. I actually wore a dress exactly like this one (several years later) when I was performing in a community opera production. What I’m saying is, aside from making an appearance as a Victim Of Early 90s Fashion Bridesmaid, the BEST this dress could hope to achieve post-prom is community opera production. And that is saying a whole lot.
Moving on to the girl with Mullet Brother #2, I just have to say wow. And also I’m sorry but it kind of looks like at any moment she could just thrust her arms forward and rip off the bottom half of the dress because — TA-DA! — she’s actually a stripper ready to do a pole dance.
Now, please don’t misunderstand: I’m not saying she looks like a stripper. I’m saying that the sequined bodice would totally work for a stripper (can’t you see it?), and that’s all kinds of awesome.
I’m at a loss for what to say about her earrings, but they need mention. Any earrings that completely obscure ones ears DO need mention.
Also, I love Love LOVE how her hair is really the precursor to Pauly D’s.[caption id="attachment_971" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="See where I'm going with this?"][/caption]
And lastly we have Eric and his steak-lobster date who looks like a bride except for the surprise(!) black accents in the dress. Also, speaking as someone who has the opposite of red curly hair, I’m just going to bet she has since found some amazing products that have changed her life. And contacts.
Well, and there you have it. Promtacular goodness, right down to the miserable expression on everyone’s faces, the awkward poses, the half-the-group-with-redeye, half-the-group-looking-somewhere/anywhere-else.
It’s good to be back.
I blame my dateless proms, dateless Saturday nights, and over all singledom on a stolen bridal bouquet. My Uncle was getting married, I was in the fifth grade and what was politely described as “tubby.” For the skinny girls out there, let me define, “tubby.” Tubby is the most polite manner in which a pre-pubescent [...]
They can’t all be complete trainwrecks, you know.
Tali writes: There were ten of us in our big Prom group that year. Seven of us were female and somehow, four of us managed to be wearing blue. I’m not exactly sure how, but we did. I’m the one in the middle and was rather proud of the fact that there was not a single square inch of that dress that did not have half a dozen beads and/or sequins on it.
Fresh-faced, smiling, pretty, and sparkly. I DON’T HAVE A LOT TO WORK WITH HERE. Okay. Yes. The sparkles are…everywhere. And it’s amusing that these three accidentally chose to wear pretty much the exact same shade of blue. But what else? Maybe their footwear was horrible? Maybe their dates all had laughable, Bieberesque hair? It’s kind of funny that this photo op was in front of a hallway door, sort of?
I would like to see the “after” shot, when everyone’s makeup is droopy and Tali has left a trail of sequin dust everywhere. Otherwise? I got nothin’. Which is nice for a change.