advert
Shake It Like A…Well, You Know

Shake It Like A…Well, You Know

Posted on April 12, 2011 by in 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Group Prom Pictures, Hybrid Bangs, perms, Shoulder Pads | 4 Comments

Year: 1993

Tara writes: “This was our 8th grade dance, & I have no idea what possessed us to all try to take a picture together. Yes, it is a Polaroid. I’m the one in the black, in the chair (yes, chair). The girl in the teal actually borrowed that dress & matching dyed shoes from me.”

Is it me, or is everyone’s fashion sort of…pointy? I don’t remember 1993 having so many angles. Then again, my brain was in a hair mousse fog in 1993, so who can remember? It just seems that the bustlines are all Vs and the shoes are Vs and even the hairdos are kind of Vs and hey, remember Polaroids?

I am enamored of this photo for many reasons. I really like that it captures all the awkward that is 8th grade prom. Everyone is trying to look older than they are, but can’t quite pull it off. I love the girl standing in the purple dress who is happy to hold her date’s hand, and somehow simultaneously lean into him while leaning AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE. (“You can have my shoulders, but nothing below the waist!”)

Compare this to the boy all the way on the right, who has casually placed his arm around his date, but is refusing to suggest he in any way enjoys that fact. His look (from what I can make of the shadowy Polaroid) seems to be saying, “Everyone here smells.”

I also enjoy the poor girl all the way in the back on the left. The ones in the back in the middle you can’t see at all; but she? She had a fighting chance to been seen. Unfortunately, all we know is that she’s in a white dress with high hair and at least one white shoe.

The girl in the middle? I AM WEARING PURPLE POLKA DOTS AND I CAN STILL KICK YOUR ASS. It is my professional opinion that you don’t ever want to mess with a girl willing to wear purple polka dots to a formal event.

As for the girl in teal on a plastic chair who’s exposing far more of her thigh than she ever intended, well. What can you do about those sleeves? Somewhere, in her subconscious, she knew. She knew that someday, somehow, the sleeves would come back to get her.

And they have.

Also, I don’t understand the brown /\ chevron thing in the background, but it’s clearly unimportant because it’s been covered by batches of NOT EVEN MYLAR balloons.

Man, I love Polaroids.

Up! Up!! And Away!!!

Up! Up!! And Away!!!

Posted on March 07, 2011 by in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Backdrop FAIL, Feathering As A Lifestyle Choice, Hybrid Bangs, Shared Hair, Shine On!, Tacky Backdrops | 3 Comments

Years: 1989, 1989, 1991

Because I slacked last week, this Monday you get THREE photos.

One of my favorite Twitter friends, TheNextMartha, sent these to me because she is awesome. Also, because she embraced her high school years with fervor, as you can no doubt see.

There are many lovely and wondrous things to be noted about these images, but mostly I like her Progression of Bang, for which this blog post is named.

They begin sprayed upward, in a full embrace of the Texas cum Jersey mantra The higher the hair, the closer to God. Up!

At the following event, her hair has come down an inch or two, but her bangs have exploded in a remarkable upward feathering frenzy. Up!!


But by the third photo, we’ve moved on to the 90s “hybrid” bang, which is neither pronounced nor completely absent. There is a whisper of bang, but mostly they’ve been incorporated into the rest of the hairstyle, barely acknowledged. Away!!!

TheNextMartha did not elaborate much on the three images.

Of the first one, she simply writes, “Boyfriend was damn tall.”
I would like to add that her boyfriend also shared her hair mantra, in the most remarkable way. Also? Is that a macramé poster they’re standing in front of? Or a hammock stapled to the wall?

Of the second: “We practically have matching hair. Just not right. Boyfriend: Not really.”
It was his feathered hair, right? So unfortunate. Also, I love that the background is basically a painted version of the real thing, featured in the last picture.

And of the third, her actual prom: “Peach Asymmetrical and horrible. Tanning Involved: Yes.”
The trellis might have had more impact were it not in front of a bare wall surrounded by houseplants, but it’s still loads better than the painted version above.

Lastly, I would like to note for the record that I attended high school in these years, and all of these fashions make perfect sense to me. Including the let’s-tan-but-still-wear-pantyhose look in the last shot. Also, do I detect a note of Sun-In?

All Aglow

All Aglow

Posted on August 19, 2010 by in 1980s Prom, 1990s Prom, Aquanet!, Blame the Photographer, Hybrid Bangs, Lace Disgrace, Mullets, Shoulder Pads | 1 Comment

Year: Take a guess.

Turns out, even the world’s most beautiful and famous bloggers were young and high-banged once.

Oh. Oh, Kelly.

Let’s start by pointing out that this photo’s fuzziness actually elevates its uber-fabulous status. The fuzz looks perfectly intentional, as though someone coated the lens with Vaseline to soften the light and lines and make the image appear more romantic, misted, timeless. The way photo montages in Lifetime movies in the 80s (what? shutup) looked.

Except of course, nothing* about this image is timeless. The hairdos, the jewelry, the 300 fashion statements Kelly’s dress is making…None of these made it past what? 1994?

The Vaseline makes it hard to determine the color of Kelly’s dress, and probably that’s okay. It comes across as pink, maybe peach. Which is better than if it were simply white (where I’d then be forced to categorize this under the “Prom or Wedding?” heading).

But who cares about color when there’s so, so much lace? An entire, long-sleeved, high-necked, low-waisted bodice of nothing but lace!

That’s a Promtacular! first, kids. Legends are being made here, today.

The non-padded-but-puffed-up-shoulders are a very nice touch. They’re there to help balance the two floufy, ruffled skirt-tiers. Right?

Right. But let’s be honest about “balance.” This dress, in all its lace-tier-shoulder-puff brilliance would have swallowed a lesser girl whole. Frankly, it would have swallowed an entire lesser couple. But not Kelly and her date.

Kelly, perhaps unwittingly, took her dress as a challenge, and kicked its ass. Her hair sees her dress, and raises it. (Literally.) The style is perfect, the earrings are bold. She has made it work, like some, I dunno, genius of physics.

And — obviously — no simple, wimpy corsage would do. Instead, her date thoughtfully gave her an entire rose bush to hold.

Speaking of her date: his hair is priceless. You’d think, if you just saw a photo of Kelly, that no man could stand up to her Genius Of Physics look. And yet? He does. That one bit of bang hanging over his forehead is just the right touch.

But perhaps what makes this photo most awesome of all is this line from her date, regarding their respective heights: “If memory serves I was in fact standing on something…and I believe Kelly was bending her knees.”

Well done!

*Save for the tinsel curtains; those will find their way into prom backdrops forever.