Promtacular!

Year: 1990

Ellen writes: “We went to different schools, and our proms were on the same weekend. Mine (marina background) was on Friday night, then his (white background w/ flowers) was Saturday. Same outfits, but I did my hair and makeup different. I was so thrilled that the flowers at his prom matched mine!

I’m still totally in love with that dress. Both my sisters and a couple of other girls borrowed it for their proms over the years. It’s still in my closet. Maybe my daughter will love it too?

BTW, the guy was such a total jerk that I covered his face in these pictures.”

Ellen. I was with you. I see your pink satin, lace-tiered dress and remember 1990 and tooooooootally get it. I see your spray-perm bangs and I see how the texture of your hair is actually echoed in the lace tiers and I get that, too*. I am with you when you say you’ve done your hair and makeup differently from one night to the next, where one night it’s “down” and the next it’s “somewhat down.” Your date’s light pink bow tie and cummerbund with SATIN lapels? Icing on this textural cake. Your gloves are a perfect accent.

I am also very, very much with you when you’ve replaced your (one) date with (two) different gentlemen of equal hotness. Well done, Ellen.

But I am concerned. While I totally agree that this dress was perfect for a bygone era, I can’t really get my head around the trajectory that fashion would have to take in order for your daughter to also wear this dress to her prom. Oh, I suppose it’s possible. But this might have to skip a generation before becoming relevant again. Is my thought.

By the way: Do you think your prom committee thought that by sitting you in front of a painted marina mural we might actually think you were on a dock? (With a wall and wicker chair?) I’m kind of thinking yes.

*This picture goes into the “shared hair” category, not because Ellen and her date share similar hairstyles, but because her hair is kind of like the lace in her dress.

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Year: 1990

Eric writes: “This was taken in 1990, in Vestaburg, MI, at my (then) girlfriend’s house before we all left for the shindig. I’m the guy at the far right, with the totally classy mullet. The dudes in white are brothers, and although they, too, show mullets, theirs are of the “I fix cars, or at least try to” variety. Our friend on the left was an early adopter of the short-hair trend.

From here, we went to the “nice” restaurant in town, where my date ordered a steak with a side of lobster tail, which cost more than I had any idea a meal *could* cost. Luckily, one of the brothers slipped me some extra cash when the girls visited the ladies room.”

Honestly, I could say nothing about the paragon of Promtacularosity that is this photo. Just let it all sink in.

It takes quite a picture to overshadow the fake wood paneling and the GOLDEN BUTTERFLIES stuck to it. But they manage. (Congratulations, Eric!)

So. Let’s see. The dude on the left is playing peekaboo with his date, who looks…well…perhaps she was very on-trend with her hair cut (sort of Swing Out Sister meets kindergarten teacher meets…bowl?), but the combo of her hair and dress make her look about 20 years older than she is — I’m assuming she was not in her late 30s — and also maybe a minister. Presiding (do ministers “preside”? whatever) over a funeral. Although that is a lovely pink tree growing on her lapel. (Note: dresses should not have “lapels.”)

The Mullet Brothers are awesome. They look stoned and uncomfortable and unhappy. YAY PROM! Also, I wouldn’t have guessed they were brothers save for the shared eyebrows, which practically connect from one brother to the other.

Mullet Brother #1′s date is every kind of unfortunate that could possibly befall someone transitioning out of the 80s. I actually wore a dress exactly like this one (several years later) when I was performing in a community opera production. What I’m saying is, aside from making an appearance as a Victim Of Early 90s Fashion Bridesmaid, the BEST this dress could hope to achieve post-prom is community opera production. And that is saying a whole lot.

Moving on to the girl with Mullet Brother #2, I just have to say wow. And also I’m sorry but it kind of looks like at any moment she could just thrust her arms forward and rip off the bottom half of the dress because — TA-DA! — she’s actually a stripper ready to do a pole dance.

Now, please don’t misunderstand: I’m not saying she looks like a stripper. I’m saying that the sequined bodice would totally work for a stripper (can’t you see it?), and that’s all kinds of awesome.

I’m at a loss for what to say about her earrings, but they need mention. Any earrings that completely obscure ones ears DO need mention.

Also, I love Love LOVE how her hair is really the precursor to Pauly D’s.

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And lastly we have Eric and his steak-lobster date who looks like a bride except for the surprise(!) black accents in the dress. Also, speaking as someone who has the opposite of red curly hair, I’m just going to bet she has since found some amazing products that have changed her life. And contacts.

Well, and there you have it. Promtacular goodness, right down to the miserable expression on everyone’s faces, the awkward poses, the half-the-group-with-redeye, half-the-group-looking-somewhere/anywhere-else.

It’s good to be back.

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I find myself apologizing yet again for a prolonged absence. It turns out that running a start-up while negotiating the demands of a toddler and newborn leave precious little time for my pontificating the fashion choices of prom-goers. Stupid priorities. I will plan to return in the fall with great fanfare. Thank you for stopping [...]

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